I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
