doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
