Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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