So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please, let me fuck your mom
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
