Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
