but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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