Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
