So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
