we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Mom said you looked used
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
