My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
