Got a toothbrush?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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