You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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