you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
