Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
