i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
