coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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