he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
