I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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