I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
