I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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