are you still at the devil's house?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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