Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
