why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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