So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
