I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
