He kissed a someone with a penis
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
