New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
