I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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