matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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