Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
