That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
