just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
