Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
