saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
