I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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