So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
