I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
