Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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