can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
