i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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