"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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