make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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