You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
