how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So many bounce houses so little time
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
