Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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