I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
