billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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