I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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