do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
