ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
