fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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