I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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