Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Im part way to drunk.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
